Tears in Heaven
by Prudence-chan
Summary: Kenshin gets a visit from above at the Rakuninmura. Sad songfic, some WAFF in the end ^_^


**Tears in Heaven**

Summary: Kenshin gets a visit from above at the Rakuninmura. Sad songfic, some WAFF in the end ^_^ 

Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin © 1997 by Nobuhiro Watsuki. Tears in Heaven was written by Eric Clapton, in the occasion of his son's death. 

Warning: Spoilers for the Jinchuu Arc. This fic doesn't follow the manga events very much, but... 

_Would you know my name   
If I saw you in Heaven?_

It's dark. It's cold. The smell of putrid corpses fills the air. Or at least this is what I feel. Maybe that disgusting smell can't be perceived by any other person - it's impregnated in my flesh, in my hands, in my mind. 

The smell of death. 

_Would it be the same   
If I saw you in Heaven?_

My wounds sting from being exposed to every kind of dirt. They are infected, and they hurt. Still, the pain I suffered when I thought on everything I caused was much, much worse. 

My eyes are opened. If I looked around, I'd see the small alley where I was, filthy, abandoned, almost deserted but for me and a teethless, wrinkled beggar. Yet I don't see anything. My vision is plagued by the image of her lifeless figure - of _their_ lifeless figures... they take turns, intertwine, melt in one, the images of Tomoe and Kaoru... both, killed because they were loved by a manslayer. They were loved by a demon, and for that they paid with their lives. 

_I must be strong and carry on   
Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven_

Once again, I lost the woman I loved. Once again, it has been my fault. Once again, Death found me and destroyed the small happiness I had managed to acquire. I was wrong when I thought I would find peace. I don't deserve such thing. After all the killings, after all the massacre... after having killed the only person able to love me... I must burn in the dephts of Hell. Forever and ever. 

And as if it wasn't enough... Kaoru... how could I drag her into this world of suffering? I should have known better... since the day we met, I should have fought against the urge of finding me a place I could call home, people I could call family... I never merited home or family! I should have kept wandering through the country, this way my pain would never engulf people's hapinessess... 

But now it's too late... too late to think of what I should have done. Kaoru is gone... 

_Would you hold my hand   
If I saw you in Heaven?_

"Kenshin." 

... that voice... is it...? 

"Yes, Kenshin. It´s me." 

... Tomoe. 

"You look tired." 

I am. 

... 

"Would you like to tell me?" 

... I... I guess there isn´t much to tell... is there? 

"Perhaps I can help you in some way... perhaps... I can bring ease to your heart." 

_Would you help me stand   
If I saw you in Heaven?_

... Tomoe... Tomoe, I don´t understand-- 

"You don´t understand why I should bother. After all, you killed me. And you believe you don´t deserve anyone´s care, especially mine. Isn´t it?" 

... 

"I do care, Kenshin. And that´s why I´m here to listen to you." 

... I... I´m sorry... I´m sorry, Tomoe, I´m so sorry... All I did, all that time, was bring pain to everyone... I´m sorry... I didn´t want to... Why did I have to go through all that again? Haven´t I paid for my sins yet? Kaoru, she..., she didn´t have anything to do with all that... she shouldn´t have died... Why, why did he involve her into-- no, no it was my fault! My fault, my fault, my fault!!... I should never have come so close to her, to anyone, I shouldn´t have allowed myself to! Hadn´t I learned? Hadn´t I learned, after what had happened to you, because of me? I should have never crossed her life, I should never have accepted, I should never have stayed, I should never have grown these feelings for her, I should never have loved her!!! But I did!!! I did I did I did I did, I _did_!!! I destroyed her dreams, her future, her happiness!!! Just like I had done to you. I haven´t learned... I cannot love!! I cannot love, because whoever I love will be taken away from me and will suffer! I didn´t want that to happen again... I just don´t see why I´m still alive... if my existence doesn´t have any purpose... 

_I'll find my way through night and day   
Cause I know I just can't stay here in Heaven_

I sigh, brushing the tears aside with the back of my hand. 

"You have a path to follow." 

I chuckle. Do I? 

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." 

... Perhaps you're right. 

"You promised me. Remember?" 

_Time can bring you down   
Time can bend your knees   
Time can break your heart   
Have you begging please   
Begging please_

"To use your sword to protect the new era." 

It's a hard task... harder every day. 

"Nobody ever told you it would be easy." 

... but... it's different now. I wasn't able to protect you. I wasn't able to protect her. I won't be able to protect anyone... 

"Kenshin... don't lie to yourself. You know I don't blame you for what happened. When I stood in front of you on that snowy day, I knew what was going to happen. Your friends are very much in need of your help... all of them are worried about you." 

I know... I've seen it in their faces. Still-- 

_Beyond the door, there's peace for sure   
And I know there'll be no more   
Tears in Heaven_

"There's more to it." Her image began to fade away. "About her." 

She...? I was barely able to hear her last words before disappearing. 

"It's not too late for you to protect her, Kenshin." 

_Would you know my name   
If I saw you in Heaven   
Would it be the same   
If I saw you in Heaven_

"Kenshin?" 

Slowly getting up, the red-haired swordsman turned to his young wife. "Hai?" 

"It looks like it's going to rain. Are you done?" She asked on a very gentle, quiet tone. 

He looked back at the small grave, almost lost amidst the others, and smiled. "Yes... I'm done. Let's go back to the Aoiya." 

_I must be strong and carry on   
Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven_

He offered his arm to his wife, who accepted it with a heavy, tired sigh. 

"Kaoru-chan? Is everything all right?" 

"Don't worry so much! The baby is just quite restless today, that's all." 

Kenshin looked at the girl's round belly, and gave a light-hearted laugh. _Tomoe... I guess you were right. There's still much to do here on Earth..._ "You deserve a good foot massage, de gozaru yo." 

"Oh, I'd really love you for that!" 

_Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven_

Author's Note: YAY!!!!! I can't believe it's really done. It's been 3 months since I began this fic! And now I finally finished it! WOE!!!! Cool. I know the manga isn't exactly like that... Tomoe only appears for him later, when he is back at the Oguni clinic. Anywayz, forget this little details for the story's sake ^_^ The end came somehow unexpectedly for me - I liked it, it's sort of a release. It's lighter and fuzzy. I love pregnant women, they look so cute with their big bellies ^_^ 

Kaoru - You say that because _you_ have never been pregnant. (My back hurts!) 

Prudence-chan - But someday I'll be! ^_^'' Never mind. 

Love, Prudence-chan 

In 15-01-2003 


End file.
